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You Can’t Always Get What You Want…….

You Can’t Always Get What You Want…….

Enjoy every moment and Enjoy your life quote. Text, key and old books

……..but if you try sometimes, well you just might find – you get what you need.  Thank you to Mick Jagger and friends for providing us with this week’s thought.  However, if I had been a member of the band I might have tweaked the lyric slightly to read:


 “you think you know what you want, then you get it and sometimes it doesn’t live up to expectations and then you feel really disappointed and let down and then after a while you look back and think – oh that happened for a reason and it pretty much turned out ok.  It might have been even better if I’d had some coaching or NLP to get me through it….”


I mean it might not fit the tune quite as well, but is inherently more accurate I feel.  You can be coasting along quite happily when suddenly you’re confronted with an event that stops you in your tracks, makes you question everything you know and leaves you worrying about what the future has in store.  Or you can have your heart set on something, a new relationship, baby, home or whatever…..only to get it and feel it’s just not how you thought it would be.


It might not make it any easier, but the truth is the vast majority of people will go through phases like this in their lives.  It can be very difficult when you’re in the middle of such a phase to see the positive side, and maybe this is where coaching or NLP might be useful.  Sometimes changing your perspective and challenging your actions can help.  Sometimes you just need someone to give you permission to feel the way you feel.


I found myself in this position after I had my first baby.  For years I had imagined what it would be like to have a tiny human.  I had been entirely convinced by the promise of bonding from the moment of birth and the images of new mothers smiling beatifically at their offspring.  So it came as a monumental to shock to realise that instead of that rush of love I was supposed to feel after I’d had the baby, I felt nothing.  Literally nothing.  And as far as births go, it was pretty good – but still nothing.  I waited and waited for that feeling and it didn’t come, not after an hour, a day, a week or even a month.


But not wanting to expose myself as the worst mother the world has ever known because she wasn’t capable of achieving that basic instinct, I said nothing.  To anyone.  Because to acknowledge it would have been to reveal my true fear, that as a mother I had failed.  Until one day, a few months down the line, I confided in my health visitor that I felt I was acting at being a mother.  That I had believed I would feel entirely different than I did.  And instead of looking at me with disgust and calling social services, she just said that was absolutely ok.  In her experience that was what the vast majority of people did.


We spend so much of our time imaging how things are going be, forecasting the future and planning our conversations that sometimes we forget to just be.  To just accept what is happening and just go with it.  Feel how you feel.  It’s ok.


And when life throws you a curveball – be it good or bad – sometimes the best thing you can do is remember that.  Try and stop projecting how things might turn out, focus on what needs to be done, seek support if you need it and just feel how you feel.


Basically what I’m trying to say is that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.  I came up with that line all by myself.  Honest.